Ho ho ho!
I've just been hit in the marketing region of my brain with a SCORCHER of an idea!
What do most people spend longest looking at when they're gullible and needy? Answer = lonely hearts adverts.
Here's how YOU can turn the melancholy loneliness of the masses into a stack of ROI bacon fifty feet high:
"Dead beautiful billionairess seeks someone for friendship. Maybe more! About me: I'm not fussy about who I meet so you're DEFINITELY in with a chance. I like the cinema and loud pubs, but one thing I will NOT tolerate is the build up of limescale under the rim of my toilet.
That's why I use Toilet Duck. It stops germs like gangbusters and leaves my house smelling great. It's also great value, not that money is an issue to me.
If you're interested in meeting someone new, you could contact me. But if you REALLY want to have a fragrant and hygienic bathroom, then it's Toilet Duck all the way."
Put that advert in your local paper and watch the money come walking to you. Want to know how it works? Here's the analysis:
- I rope in the desperate by claiming to be beautiful and rich. Then I hook them like greedy fish by claiming to like loud pubs. I'm talking THEIR language now.
- Now they're putty in my fishing net (hand) so I introduce sub-liminal AND plain-liminal information about a product.
- Result = a huge rise in the sales of Toilet Duck in the cash-rich singles market.
Ha ha! This one is a dead guarantee to 100% deliver the bacon all year round, but expect a whopping sales increase around Valentine's Day. It's when ALL eyeballs are on the singles pages.
In other news, Carol has RUDELY announced that she is thinking of staging a musical version of 'Trading Places' this Christmas at the community centre. Everything she touches turns into disasters so steer clear as if it was made from the plague.
She's just trying to jump on MY 2001: Sapce Odyssey panto bandwagon. Get off my wagon! And bring back my baking tray while you're getting off.
That said, I'd throw good money after bad to see Trading Places on the stage. What a hoot! One was deaf and the other was blind. Uh oh! That spells t.r.o.u.b.l.e!