Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Loneliness = BIG cash rewards


Ho ho ho!

I've just been hit in the marketing region of my brain with a SCORCHER of an idea!

What do most people spend longest looking at when they're gullible and needy? Answer = lonely hearts adverts.

Here's how YOU can turn the melancholy loneliness of the masses into a stack of ROI bacon fifty feet high:

"Dead beautiful billionairess seeks someone for friendship. Maybe more! About me: I'm not fussy about who I meet so you're DEFINITELY in with a chance. I like the cinema and loud pubs, but one thing I will NOT tolerate is the build up of limescale under the rim of my toilet.

That's why I use Toilet Duck. It stops germs like gangbusters and leaves my house smelling great. It's also great value, not that money is an issue to me.

If you're interested in meeting someone new, you could contact me. But if you REALLY want to have a fragrant and hygienic bathroom, then it's Toilet Duck all the way."
Put that advert in your local paper and watch the money come walking to you. Want to know how it works? Here's the analysis:
  • I rope in the desperate by claiming to be beautiful and rich. Then I hook them like greedy fish by claiming to like loud pubs. I'm talking THEIR language now.
  • Now they're putty in my fishing net (hand) so I introduce sub-liminal AND plain-liminal information about a product.
  • Result = a huge rise in the sales of Toilet Duck in the cash-rich singles market.
Ha ha! This one is a dead guarantee to 100% deliver the bacon all year round, but expect a whopping sales increase around Valentine's Day. It's when ALL eyeballs are on the singles pages.
In other news, Carol has RUDELY announced that she is thinking of staging a musical version of 'Trading Places' this Christmas at the community centre. Everything she touches turns into disasters so steer clear as if it was made from the plague.

She's just trying to jump on MY 2001: Sapce Odyssey panto bandwagon. Get off my wagon! And bring back my baking tray while you're getting off.

That said, I'd throw good money after bad to see Trading Places on the stage. What a hoot! One was deaf and the other was blind. Uh oh! That spells t.r.o.u.b.l.e!

4 comments:

Apollo team said...

We are seeking people to join us, advice us or any kind of support.
We want your sunrise! And we want you to join us to broadcast a never ending sun. Live!

The idea comes from one of our stupid thought: Why can't we keep a gorgeous moment that will never end?

This is a project which needs people all around the world to achieve. We want people from different time zones to shoot the sunrises in their local places.

Our optimistic outcome is installing 24 screens to display sunrises around the Earth. The Sun will keep rising from screen to screen, from bottom to top vertically. This 'never ending sun' will last for 24 hours in a day!

In fact there are still many problems to solve, it's been a tough way so far. Therefore we are in need of supports. Your help will be most appreciated no matter in what aspects. It could be supporting us technically, joining us, spreading it out, giving us suggestions or anything else you could think of. You name it, we do it.

Your help will be most appreciated no matter in what aspects. It could be supporting us technically, joining us, spreading it out, giving us suggestions or anything else you could think of. You name it, we do it.

Details please refer to our links.
URL: http://www.neverendingsun.net
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/neverendingsun2007
Blog: http://never-ending-sun.blogspot.com

We sincerely seek for your kindly help. Give us a shout if you think this is awesome :)

Many Thanks,
Apollo Team
(Jane, James, Pizza and Dawn)

Mrs Belmot said...

I didn't read this (too long) but it looks great and I TOTALLY agree.

Cash up front is best for me.

Dan said...

I have to say, I wouldn't buy anything from a band of bastards that included a man/woman/lady-boy called Pizza.

Except perhaps pizza.

hesslei said...

Loneliness not only alters behavior, but loneliness is related to greater resistance to blood flow through your cardiovascular system. Loneliness leads to higher rises in morning levels of the stress hormone cortisol, altered gene expression in immune cells, poorer immune function, higher blood pressure and an increased level of depression.

-----------------
hesslei...

social advertising