Thursday, January 07, 2010

Mrs Belmot's big bet

We all know the advertising industry is BEST when it comes to stealing things off the internet.

It's what puts us ahead of the common herd who simply look at things on the internet.

But how long does it take for an ad agency to steal a lovely piece of creative work?

Have a look at the animation below. I've bet Adverplanner that it'll take four months for someone to find this, claim it as their own idea, and then produce a disgracefully similar piece of creative work with a brand name stapled to it.

Adverplanner has gone out on a limb and bet it will take a mere two months for the theft to broadcast process/crime to happen.

What do you think? Place you bets in the comments section - the prize could be sensational if someone wins!

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Mrs Belmot's Christmas party - LOCATION

Hi gang!

Everyone is champing at the bit for my Xmas party like a herd of crazed tinsel horses.

Come and nog yourself into the middle of next week at The Perseverance on Weds 2nd December:
63 Lambs Conduit Street,

Yule-tide MP3s have kindly been supplied by Grand High Overlord of Xmas Music
Henry Greenwood and Adland Suit eventually lived up to his title of Field Marshall for Venue Targetting.

Remember to print and wear the GREAT Xmas party badge at the top of this post to show your allegiance to the President of the Internet

Monday, November 16, 2009

Making GREAT advertising in the modern age

There's a lot of amateurs blundering around in this area, but only TRUE pros are following my three-point plan to making GREAT adverts:

1. Find something wonderous or at least humerous on YouTube.

2. Steal it.

3. Make it original again by replicating the first thing BUT adding a brand message to the end.

At the moment these are LITERALLY the keys to the kingdom. Ignore them at your mild peril.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Mrs Belmot's Xmas Party!

My Christmas party is DEFINITELY on Weds 2nd December at The Perseverance pub in London:
63 Lambs Conduit Street,

EVERYONE is very excited about my Christmas party this year. In fact, there's so much interest that there won't be room at my house, so DON'T buy a ticket to Dorking. It's full.

I've used logic (look it up if you don't know what that is) to decide to hold my party in London this year.

There's a LOT to organise and I'm TOO important to do everything. That's why I need my loyal patriots to help with a few things.

If you want to take charge of an area, email me: iammrsbelmot AT yahoo DOT co DOT uk

Things which need arranging for the party:

An argument for everyone to have
Party hats
Invitations (although it will be a massive free for all. It's not my house, so who cares)
Augmented reality
Have a whip-round so Knorks can fly in from Australia

I think we need a central London pub (or better) on Wednesday 2nd December.
If you don't want to help, then just save the date to come along and feel Christmas shame for not helping.

Christmas starts here.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I'm down with the children

Everyone old knows that eating burgers is a lot of fun.

But are we doing enough to raise awareness of burger and chips as a FUN alternative to regular food for kids? NO chance. There's a very real possibility that kids are ignoring or avoiding YUMMY food.

And who's getting the finger of blame jabbed in its face for this MASSIVE failure? Advertising, that's who.

Strap in and brace for the impact - here comes the insight-solution.

McDonalds should rebrand as a children's catering company. My key strategy to achieving this is to ditch the nightmarish clown that's plagued their advertising for years. Instead they need to be "down with the children" and get a new brand spokesman. I give you MC Donald:

He's a blinged-out rapper, dropping funky rhymes and full of FLAVA (rap for flavour, which is appropriate in a restaurant context. Inappropriate elsewhere).

He's also got the head of Donald Sinden which gives him a commanding and clear voice with which to disseminate brand messages.

This idea is so hot you could griddle chicken on it, so I DEFINITELY want cash up front this time. I've already contacted Donald Sinden to make sure he doesn't "slag" me on the deal.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Protect yourself with social media

Hi gang! Blog-a-log-a-gog!

The media is mostly made up of hysterical stress-mongers convinced that the internet is rife with burglars scrutinising your every Facebook update to check whether your house is occupied or not.

This may well be the case.

However, only a stupid boot would tell the world things like "On holiday for 2 weeks. Valuables stuffed in all the toilet cisterns".

If you're still living in a state of panicked bewilderment, just follow my five point plan to using social media as a weapon against the thieving classes:

1. Make every status update "At home. Door double-locked. Alsatians loose in the yard. Guns loaded and within reach. Chief of Police popping round ANY MINUTE NOW"

2. Post up pictures of terrifying fortifications and imply that this is your house (see my picture above). This bungalow has been heavily fortified with TWO howitzers manned by British army soldiers. The grounds are patrolled by wolves and a hippo - I hear they can get well baity.

3. Create a game appp for the iPhone called 'Break Into My House' which shows anyone how to break into your house EXCEPT make the game impossible. Any potential vagabonds will be inflamed with despair and you can rake in the cash. Ha ha!

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Have you got "it"?

Would you rate your singing ability as COMPENTENT?

Do you like to just ‘give things a go’ without thinking them through?

Has anyone ever “raised you up”?

Has a member of your family recently died?

Maybe YOU’VE got the X-Factor!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Can old morons learn new tricks?

Following on from my recent innovations in branded-meat marketing (BMM), no-one has been beating my door down with cash to find out more.

This is understandable as few people (i.e. only me) can FULLY comprehend the significance that branded food has for the advertising industry.

Any place I see left unbranded (eg paving slabs, wardrobes, animals, the sea, etc.) brings a tear to my eye. When will our industry learn that we could be cramming marketing messages in front of people ALL the time? I predict another twelve years at least.

If they read this blog, you can reduce that figure to eight months (seven months for the KEY insights to sink in + a month to do something about it).

The lack of creativity in a supposedly 'creative' industry is staggering and could potentially reach flabberghasting levels unless these old morons can learn some new tricks.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Witness the future of branded meat

Make frankfurters work for you NOW!
The picture should be self-explanatory, unless you're too thick to "get it". Basically it uses meat-writing technology to deliver a powerful brand message at the perfect moment.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Oscar Wilde gutter persuasion

To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, we're all in the gutter but some of us are persuading other gutter-people to buy things