There's been nothing but rubbish on the television for days on end, so I've been working overtime coming up with GREAT ideas for new programmes which someone would actually want to watch.
"Fish and Fowl" - a fishmonger and a butcher who solve crime but the butcher is REALLY reluctant. The fishmonger (Darren) has basically got nothing else to do with his time because everyone's using supermarkets. So he turns to crime-solving with FUNNY results. The butcher (Samuel) is the brains. It's set in the 90s and it's got those two from Never the Twain if they're available/alive. First episode features a stabbing by a canal. Uh oh!
"Risen Damp" - a one-off TV special. Basically a funeral wake for Rigsby turns sour when his corpse is exhumed by the police for "tacky" reasons.
"Rappy Days" - Ritchie Cunningham and The Fonz, now living in Surrey, recapture their golden youth by staging a series of vitriolic rap battles in Leatherhead and Horsham. Promotes family values and The Fonz ends EVERY rap by saying "Eee!". You won't find out until the last episode if it's really happening or if the WHOLE series is from the deluded mind of Mr Cunningham, now a senile idiot working the checkout in Homebase. He ran a hardware store in the original series, so he would have transferable skills.
Do NOT be surprised if these turn up in the schedules later this year. If anyone at the BBC or ITV checks their emails today (unlikely), we might even get them next week!
I need to buy more video tapes.
The stench from the shed has now penetrated into the house. If Herman doesn't change his clothes soon, I'll have to hose him down! Ha ha! Like in a zoo!