I'm metaphorically bombing the neighbours - with ADVERTISING!

The neighbours have NOT yet bought in to my latest innovation in advertising, which is their loss for being naysaying fools.

Just when every old-timer will tell you that there's no new way to reach people, I've fitted a new tyre (come up trumps) onto a Honda Civic (the advertising industry) and pulled out of the lay-by (started doing it first before everyone else).

If you can brain-imagine this, it's a cross between television and radio advertising which reaches people NEITHER old-fashioned method currently does.

Basically, when the adverts come on in between programmes of the TV, I turn the volume up to unbearably loud levels, creating an invasive wall of bass-heavy advertising messages penetrating through the brickwork of the house and into neighbouring houses.

If you want a war analogy (most people do) it's less of a targetted sniper shot and more of a carpet bomb technique, indiscriminatly hitting EVERYONE. The great bonus is that it also hits civilians (people walking outside) as well as neighbouring buildings.

Anyway, next-door has complained every day of this week about the noise but I've blamed it on the difference in volume between programmes and ad breaks (VERY probable excuse). They'll feel the ROI when the messages seep into their thick skulls.

As it is, they're complaining to various industry bodies. Ha ha! They will NEVER guess I'm doing it on purpose!

I wanted to get Herman to connect the television to the stereo to reach a wider audience, but he's been slumped face down in the shed for the last three days under his tanning lamps with his radio receiver tuned to static. I don't pretend to understand the appeal of amateur radio, so I've left him to it.

The smell is getting abominable in there. If he wants any dinner, he'll have to "shed" those reeking clothes. Ha ha!