The results of my week-long investigation into the unbearable noises coming from my garage are finally in.
If you want to brain-picture the noises, I'd describe them as wheezing and clanging. Also screaming and thudding.
The breakthrough in the case came when I discovered that the noises ONLY came from the garage when Herman wasn't in the house. Then I mounted a surveillance campaign by looking in the garage the next time he went in there.
Conclusion = he's guilty as sin and DEFINITELY "at it" again. I thought he'd got it out of his system but I will NOT cast stones because we were all "at it" in the 80s, but he's an idiot for starting again and will 100% do himself an injury.
I wish he would just stay in the shed where he belongs.
I'm bracing my eyes to start seeing him in gym shorts and sweatbands again. Last time he was into fitness (approx 1987 - do NOT quote me) he used to wear a sweatband on his head, two on each wrist and four on each leg = a total of thirteen sweatbands. The laundry basket had to be thrown out after it bore the brunt of a heavy "workout".
The smell of rotting wicker was unbearable.
I'm also worried about the state of his exercise bench. It's had the chest freezer balanced on it for the last 15 years and was only something Herman got from a garden centre in the first place, so it is almost CERTAINLY a deathtrap for anyone using it for bench pressing or sitting.
That reminds me: I must take some chops out of the freezer before Sunday. They'll be no good to ANYONE if they're "al-dentay".