Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The holiday is OVER

The mystery has been solved. The christening was DEFINITELY in Falkirk because we couldn't find any sign of it in Falaraki where I've just spent the last two weeks.

I know EXACTLY what you will be thinking and the answer is: no - not a single wireless router in sight. Conclusion = the Greeks are about three years behind us on broadband. If you want to check this, contact the Greek government. It is NOT my job to do this for you.

On many levels, the whole christening/holiday was a disaster. I ONLY packed the essentials in my suitcase (PC tower, monitor, keyboard, mouse, mousemat) and left Herman to pack all the clothes.

On one level this demonstrates trust, but on another it demonstrates he's an idiot because he only filled his stuicase with amateur radio equipment (broadcaster/transmitter, microphone, 50ft of aerial, morse code book).

Now I actually see it in writing, the quantity of electrical equipment is almost DEFINITELY why it took us so long to get through passport control.

Anyway, the cloudy lining was that we had to wear the same clothes for two weeks. The irony is that this would probably have been a great bonus if we HAD actually gone to Falkirk (for obvious reasons).

Proof that Herman is not a logical thinker (like me) is that we couldn't even plug any of the equipment in as he didn't pack any travel adaptors. Instead, he brought a pack of Glade plug-in air-fresheners. If you've been doing the maths as you go along (recommended) you'll realise that the room STILL didn't smell nice because we didn't have any travel adaptors to plug the plug-ins into.

Another bad lining to the holiday cloud was that the weather was GREAT. Normally, this would be a boon but someone (Herman) didn't pack any sunscreen. Instead we had to make do with Deep Heat and Vicks. They stop the sun but they stink ROTTEN.

The sight and smell of Herman lathering himself up with linament next to the pool caused a lot of other hotel guests to complain to the hotel manager about stinging eyes and the whole pool area was closed for three days while they mistakenly drained the filter system.

On the plus side, our muscles were definitely relaxed (TOO relaxed in Herman's case) and we didn't have any Greek colds or Greek flu. Herman boasted to a Portuguese tourist that his sinuses were so clear that you could ride a bike through them, but the tourist got tetchy about this whopping claim and told him to prove it.

The only thing that diffused the situation was the fumes from the Vicks and Deep Heat which the tourist reacted badly to. We didn't see him when he came back from hospital so Herman's bicycle sinus claim still stands. It may well pass into local legend. If you go to Falaraki in the future, let me know.

On reflection, we could have solved a LOT of our problems using money but I don't trust Euros. Last time we had any foreign money, I got confused on "the schnapps" and thought I was playing Monopoly and tried to buy the hotel we were staying in. Lesson = avoid foreign currency.

The only silver lining is that we didn't go to Falkirk. I'm assuming that it's a right dump.


Dan said...

Good to have you back, Mrs B. The internet's been an awful clutter over the last two weeks - the place literally reeks of nonsense. WORSE, you may find you have suffered from the Face Book coup - as good as deposing you as president of the internet. It's apparently a bloodless people's revolution, but I wouldn't trust people without blood if I were you! A rum lot and no messing.
Belmot loyalists sign here!

Mrs Belmot said...

Your concern is good but I did NOT become President without being a 'cutting-edge-ahead-of-the-pack' thinker.

I am probably one of the founding members of Face Book and have a group of lotal patriots already.

Join it before everyone thinks less of you (this happens a LOT more than you'll be aware of).