Today is JUST news and no waffle, in-line with best internet tidy practices.
Ha ha! If I owned a pub it would be "inn-keeping" rather than in-line. Ha ha ha! That's a great joke! I will DEFINITELY use that a lot this week.
NEWS: I now have two Blogs!
The mountain (advertising industry) has FINALLY come to the prophet (me) and wangled an exclusive blog (still nothing else left in the analogy) out of me (the prophet). I'm now the leading columnist at Brand Republic. Scoop!
NEWS: The car spa has been VETOED
My husband has decreed that filling the footwells of our car with warm water will NEVER happen in his lifetime. I've put MONTHS into the thinking on this initiative so it's a serious knock to my confidence. You'd basically be driving a foot-spa around town.
SOME people are too short-sighted to recognise the gross benefits of this kind of forward thinking and will NOT be having lasagne followed by apple pie for dinner, despite nearly a week of unsubtle hints.
I might petition the government as I've literally got a hunch it could SLASH road-rage in half (at LEAST) due to it's calming properties.
All you need is petrol stations to have warm water pumps. You'd pay extra for 'Premium' (scented) and less for Diesel (greywater). The foot-towel industry would also feel the rewards.
Until then, it will DEFINITELY be breaded liver burgers for dinner.
NEWS: Only having ITV is as good as having NO TV
The 3 button has stuck down on the television remote control so there is literally NOTHING worth watching in our house. To combat the un-ending boredom, I've created my own Hollywood Top Trumps (or Top Janets) using paper and a biro.
NEWS: Bad loser
Herman has been in a foul mood ever since because he hasn't won a single game. He's just eating 'sour grapes' because he claimed "Angry Steven Spielberg" was NOT a valid Trump after losing "Angelina Jolie playing a Tuba".
He finds her attractive and refuses to admit it, even in his sleep. He just mumbles "Very believable performances" and turns over.