As I inwardly predicted but didn't tell anyone about, my husband's infatuation with the urban music scene has landed him in BIG trouble.
Since proclaiming himself a "superstar boss MC" of the UK garage/shed music scene, I've had a suspicion that he's fallen in with a bad crowd. This morning I caught him in the bathroom doing what you would charitably call 'rapping' (uncharitably, he was just talking into a ladle as if it was a microphone).
Don't get sidetracked on there being a ladle in the bathroom. It's not the main issue. It will be when I serve up the casserole tonight though. Note to self: wash it before serving.
Anyway, from my vantage point at the nail-cutting station (basin), I had an unwanted ringside seat as he rapped, "They tried to make me go to Riyadh, I said 'No, no, no'."
If you read the Daily Mail (my BIBLE) you'll know for facts that kidnapping and human trafficking are basically the ONLY thing the urban music scene does with any success (after making music). Because of this knowledge, I was NOT surprised to assume that other garage MCs have tried to abduct Herman and take him to Saudi Arabia.
Fortunately, my wits are 100% sharper than the So Solid Crew or Girls Aloud and the first thing I did was shred Herman's passport for safety. As an extra precaution, I mulched it and served it to him as muesli. Ha ha! Try making him go to Riyadh NOW, 50 Sent. I'LL be the one saying "No. No. No."
Ha ha! I've got the last laugh!
Actually, given Herman's notorious "bowel history", there will be NO laughs for anyone until the passport has gone through "departures".
For more eye sweets, here's an artist's impression (not mine) of Girls Aloud abducting another easily-led simpleton: