Thursday, May 17, 2007

DON'T forget the offal, Mummy

Blog-a-log-a-gog! (just checking)
This is the picture of my dog I promised before, which must be a nasty knock to all those people who emailed in to call me a LIAR for saying that I DIDN'T had a photo of him.

I often think in SHARP equations, like a computer or some science, as it's the most efficient way of getting things done. Keep up and try to understand this piece of brain calculus:
Global warming = going up
Resources = going down
Waste also = going up
Solution = don't waste stuff
Maths = done
That's where an AVERAGE thinker would come to a halt but I've gone TWO better. One better for thinking of something, and then ANOTHER one better for thinking how to advertise it.

What's the most wasted resource anywhere? It's animals, so don't bother emailing any poorly-thought through suggestions. I do NOT need them.
I've already uncovered the CRIMINAL wastage of animals as advertising space, but also let's think about them as a source of FOOD for once. Come on! We all eat chops and burgers, but what about the muck that's left? We should be eating that too.
You'll find it's called "offal" if you've read this sentence, and it's all the slop you generally DON'T want to eat, like kidneys, liver, lungs and heads.

So the REAL equation here is: eating offal = saving the planet.
It's a OBVIOUS that no-one would eat this waste even if you paid them, so that's where advertising HAS to come in. Using GREAT advertising campaigns, we can basically hypnotise people into eating tripe. Case closed, which is good news for the ice caps!
Here's just TWO campaigns I've already brainstorm-thought of which puts me AHEAD of the game and probably a shoo-in for a New Years Honour from The Queen.
Campaign 1: Change the words in all hymn books for 'All Creatures Great & Small' to this:
All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful, they're full of tasty OFFAL

Then make that the theme for a TV ad featuring beefy Botham (obvious) and Alan Wicker (he's covered in liver spots - that's the connection).

Campaign 2: Back up the TV ads by putting this poster LITERALLY everywhere:
The Vegetarian Society will go bananas if they see this. I took the picture from their website.

No comments: