Thursday, April 26, 2007

Herman no longer employs his slippers


Herman's Dungeons & Dragons phase is back as strong as it ever was in the 80s, but it has now mutated like a science fiction virus into something terrible to behold.

He's a BIG fan of rude but constructive TV critics (Alan Sugar, Simon Cowell, Sarah Beeney, Gordon Ramsay, Judy Finnegan - the list goes on) so NOW I have to put up with comments like "That casserole was delivered punctually at 6.30pm but it's lack of man-flesh would NOT impress the Dark Lord of Baradur. You're fired, by Morigwyn!"

The man's an imbecile.

Since the new series of The Apprentice started, he's been telling EVERYONE that they're fired. He said it to his slippers last night when he slipped on the kitchen lino. We also haven't had any milk for two weeks after the milkman didn't 'get the joke'.

Anyway, the sliver lining is that I've created a TOTALLY new form of advertising (hands off claiming it was yours if you're about to do this). Instead of trying to build a brand (basically a waste of EVERYONE's time), just talk to the consumer in rude but constructive terms, treating them like they are a low-watt bulb. Here's some GREAT examples which are 'on the house':

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"Everything you do clothes you in the robes of SHAME, so move away from here fast" Eddie Stobart Transport Logistics
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27 comments:

SchizoFishNChimps said...

Dress up as a mighty elf queen and set him a quest to either do the housework (and be rewarded with the Magic Stone Of Thorax) or to walk to Scotland and retrieve a clump of Magic Druid Grass from Land's End. That'll sort him.

SchizoFishNChimps said...

Oh by Odin's hair, he'll have a job finding Land's End in Scotland, won't he? Actually, maybe that's not a bad idea.

Mrs Belmot said...

Take this as a well-intentioned warning:

Adding "by Grynwalt's beard!" and suchlike at the end of sentences is a BAD habit that's HARD to break. You basically have to de-programme yourself.

This is experience speaking.

jemster said...

you're damn right your strategy is showing... and you didn't invent this first I did -unintentionally- on Richard' adliterate page.... nyah !!

Mrs Belmot said...

Jemster - this is a WHOPPER of a lie on your part, and EVERYONE will know it.

However, you've put up a good fight, which is 'spunky' of you.

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