Monday, January 08, 2007

Mrs Belmot's Predictions for 2007

Everyone else has been jumping on MY bandwagon and giving out their predictions for 2007, so I thought it was high time someone with some professional experience gave an opinion worth listening to.

Janet's DEFINITE Predictions for 2007

1) Everyone keeps banging on about Web Two (or Web YOU as the intelligentsia call it. Start now if this doesn't include you). Don't be confused into thinking this a new version of the internet. It's not and you CAN'T buy it in Woolworths (I checked).

Anyway, it's everywhere and even my husband has heard of it, which is normally the kiss of DEATH. But it's NOT a concept with legs because logically we will end up using Web Seventeen (or even higher). Ridiculous.

My prediction: we'll go back to calling it "The Internet". Case closed.

2) As everyone gets busier, we'll see a sharp increase in multi-tasking solutions. A GOOD example would be a computer monitor screen which was actually the front of a microwave so you could cook and surf the web at the same time. It would have a digital radio built in so you can program in 3min of BBC Surrey on a defrost setting AND blog your experiences all at the same time.

Combine that with timing saving meal-replacement drinks like Milork and you've saved yourself MINUTES every day.

Imagine this connected to the internet and running Office XP: you're most of the way there.

My prediction: we'll all be doing it, so get ahead of the game and join the intelligentsia. I believe you could easily make one right NOW using sellotape and a four-way extension plug.

3) My boiler will be replaced. There's no debate about this - it REALLY needs to be done. Herman just wears two sweaters over his shirt and vest but this is NOT a good look for the season (according to the Mail on Sunday). You're better of wearing autumn tones and getting a good central heating system.

My prediction: a gas fitter will do it, rather than a plumber. Case closed.

4) I had a dream last night that I had a lion in my hall and the only way to kill it was to throw bottles of spirits at it hard so they broke, and then throw matches at the booze. Eventually it died but it was a TERRIFYING dream. No-one wants a lion in their hall.

I don't know what this means, but I interpreted it as the lion symbolising ITV (rubbish), the alcohol was advertising revenue (much-needed) and the matches were viewers. Again, it doesn't logically follow, but neither does the dream.

My prediction: there will be a lot more RUBBISH programmes on ITV before we get any good ones. I predict another nine months of reality rubbish before we see perennial favourites like Morse, Cracker, Spender and Trotter making a long-overdue comeback.

5) Ha ha! I just realised that Trotter isn't a tv detective! So picture this: Rodney dies abroad and Del Boy becomes a Peckham-based cockney private detective (called Trotter). While always solving the weekly case (missing fruit-machines, veg stolen from market stalls etc) he never solves the case of how Rodney died. So he always says "This time next year, I'll solve that case".
My prediction: this is a great idea.

This idea is 5 stars *****, so if anyone wants to make it, I want my name BIG in the credits AND some money.

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