Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Mrs Belmot's Guide to the Internet



Mrs Belmot's blog is back like a phoenix from the ashes!

I have LITERALLY died under an avalanche of requests from everyone wanting to know how they should use the internet in 2009. Luckily my trusty St Bernard (brain) dug me out of the snow (did the maths) and gave me some brandy (vimto) before lumbering off (they're friendly but their attention span is woeful):

Mrs Belmot's Guide to the Internet in 2009

Blogging - don't bother. I stopped for ages and everyone else jumped off the bandwagon too, like sheep-moths following a flame going out. Puff! In the hands of amateurs (you) It's basically a long-winded waste of time and internet space. In the hands of a pro (me) it's a razor-sharp tool of insight and foresight.

Twitter - Like blogging for infants (see above for the pro/am distinction).

Facebook - I rarely go here and only check back to see if they've changed their colours to something less "IN YOUR FACE". Get OUT of my face, more like! Ha ha!

Voucher codes: a BIG thing. Anyone paying full price at Pizza Express is a berk-royale. They're everywhere and shop staff are too thick to comprehend how the internet works, so just make your own and they'll believe you.

Google - Slowly but DEFINITELY becoming pre-occupied with death as my picture-documentary on Google's search suggestions recently exposed:

Herman - embroiled in a Rocky Horror Show 'time warp' fight against the postman. A nasty mess left on the drive. DON'T tell the council or they'll go ballistics, when they should really go forensics. Herman keeps threatening to "do the time warp again" and sometimes invites me to join his sordid game saying "LET'S do the time warp again". A glassy look comes over his eyes when he says it and he goes all a-fluster. Sordid

Lunch - most likely a pie or 'toasty-soup'. NOT both.

No comments: