My mouth is non-traditional media

What's the best form of advertising? Word of mouth, that's who!

Until we get wireless routers installed in hats (I'm working on THAT), we're stuck using the old-fashioned method of talking to each other. Normally this involves sticking to a topic of conversation, but I've RARELY been one for tradition except when it comes to marriage, scheduled eating times and The Law. Don't break it, or it will take a hammer to you.

Anyway, what's to stop someone (like ME) from using my mouth to advertise things like a moving, audio billboard? Answer = nothing.

Yesterday I was at the bus stop with a LOT of potential 'punters' (the weather was GREAT if you want to picture the scene). TOTALLY spontaneously I muttered "Snickers REALLY delivers in the hunger eradication stakes".

No-one paid any attention at all and we all got on the bus, but at a subliminal-brain-audio level, I can 100% guarantee that all SEVEN people will crave Snickers like brainwashed sheep next time they're hungry. I'm keeping an eye on the stock market to see how it impacts on confectionery share prices.

If you want to book 'media space' on my mouth, let me know but be aware that the rates are SKY HIGH. The ROI bacon is a shoo-in, though, so it's worth double whatever I'm charging. Probably more.

All this talk of food is making me famished! I've got a hankering for pineapple sandwiches and I DON'T know where it came from.

If I was inventing a chocolate bar, I'd call it "Belmot's Massive Co-Co Thump" which would accurately descibe it's ingredients (cocoa), it's size (gargantuan - you'd need both hands to hold it. Ideally three) and the feeling you'd get when you ate it (an agonising thumping for your cholesterol levels and heart). I'm smacking my lips already!