Friday, February 16, 2007

Send ME Victorious


The good news is that I'm now in charge of the internet after TROUNCING all the other competition in the general election.

The TROUNCING would have been a lot more of a WHITEWASH LANDSLIDE victory but I received most of my votes through my postbox. Some people are idiots, even when prompted with cold hard logic.

Herman has put out an A.P.B across the radio ham airwaves with the message "Peace and tidiness in our time". I haven't got a clue what he's playing at as none of his luddite cronies read the internet. He's been in the shed for hours now though, so that is a SILVER lining.



My first act as President of Web You has been to start handing out awards to websites which comply to Belmot's Tidy Regulations Act 07 (this site is Five Star tidy*****). I've also granted an EXCLUSIVE interview to The AdLads and appointed Russell Davies as my Chancellor of PR, which he has graciously accepted as a part-time, no-money involved position (probably - not confirmed at time of going to press. Russell, this is one for you to check).

Carol has agreed to host an inauguration dinner at her house tomorrow night. This is a good idea from a PR/spin point of view if she gets the press involved (Russell - please check this), but a BAD idea from a hunger/satisfaction point of view. Her cooking is abysmal and she never makes any concessions for Herman's 'problem'.

Selfish, is the word I would use.

Last time we went round, there was a DELIBERATE lack of enough food. This all stems from the time that Herman brought his own pudding to a dinner party. She's never forgiven him and hasn't a CLUE about putting together a media-neutral advertising campaign.

Herman's six-point strategy to get the Simon Cowell look is at stage one: volumise his hair.
He looks RIDICULOUS, so I've requested he stand in front of bright lights at all times. As a silhouette, you don't see the detail (a BONUS), but you do still see the shape (distracting at best, offensive at worst).

A lot of science-fiction films GUARANTEE that robots will take over the world. I've dismissed this idea for many years but I may have to retract the thinking on this one after I went to the Post Office this morning. I just have a hunch.

2 comments:

FishNChimps said...

Are you good or evil? I don't know. But you are a genius. I think I love you.

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