Have you seen the alarming rise in magazines showing celebrities 'snapped' while out shopping? Look at this picture of Britney Spears shopping. She's practically unrecognisable without her makeup:
The last few times I've been down to the shops (which is where the 'snapping' ALWAYS happens), I've felt what can only be described as a watchful, malign presence lurking on every street.
If you're famous (like a LOT of my blog readers probably are) then you will understand the fear. If you're not a celebrity, don't bother trying to undertstand it - it's like feeling like you're being watched and then turning round to find a lot of people looking at you.
My BIG fear is that the Dorking Advertiser has got wind of my internet celebrity status and is taking steps to 'snap' me. The standard of journalism is rubbish but Herman uses it to light the fire so we have a subscription.
The LAST thing I need is a photo of me carrying bags of loo roll round the St Martins Walk shopping centre while Herman stares into The Body Shop (he likes the smells but doesn't understand the ethical/soap concept). I don't think he realises that it's aimed at the gift buying sector, not day-to-day bathing.
Anyway, the whole situation is giving me the jitters and Herman has started wearing a balaclava a LOT of the time to hide his identity, which only draws more attention. Especially in this unseasonably mild weather. It's disgusting watching him spoon custard through the woolly mouth-hole at the dinner table every night too. Tonight he's only getting celery.
To combat the D*MNED paparrazzi I've ordered some shopping online: raisins and a new reel of dental floss - delivery estimate is Thursday night so I'll keep my blog readers informed FIRST before anyone else how this goes.
Word News: Evil sounds REALLY terrible, but the opposite word "good"' sounds understated. I'm going to start using something better as an opposite word. Great and best are DEFINITE contenders.
Be careful how you use this though: "Jesus was a best man" sounds like he's at a wedding, not the opposite of evil.
Herman has just walked in with a microphone attached to his head by a 'crown' made out of a wire coathanger (no doubt one of mine). I don't know WHAT he's playing at but I'm not letting him out of the house OR into the bathroom looking like that.