Monday, December 18, 2006

He'll be DROWSY

I'm saving money this year by only sending out my November batch of Christmas cards. Normally I send out a secondary batch in December to prompt people to send ME one back, but this year I've decided to save on cards, ink, envelopes and postage. So instead this is an online Christmas card for ALL my great blogreaders. Look above this text if you want to see it.

Herman has been wearing his shirt/man-blouse almost round the clock since he bought it, so my only hope is that it goes threadbare before Christmas day. (Unlikely: the quality of M&S blouses is EXCELLENT). Really though, he is sleeping in it and I think he may have kept it on during his bath.

I've worked out that my plan for people to assume that it was a gender-swapping party would NOT work if someone asked if this was the case. This could be asked through stupidity (likely) or even malice (less likely at this time of year).

I can't risk it though. I'm going to slip a LOT of Benylin into Herman's dinner tonight then when he's very woozy, I'll give him a brimming plate of beetroot juice to hold. Hopefully he'll spill it all over himself and ruin the blouse. I can't think of:
a) anything wrong with this plan.
b) any other course of action.

If you spot any flaws or can think of a better plan let me know. But be quick - I need to get down the shops to buy all the Benylin.

On a different subject, some people are thick. The woman who hoovers us was whinging on over the weekend how she can't remember what to buy when she gets to the shops. I had the GREAT idea of telling her to record her shopping list as a podcast and upload it to a blog or even a dedicated web server. Then if she forgot anything she could access the internet from a 'cyber-cafe', download the podcast, listen to the list and REMEMBER what she forgot.

Anyway, I don't like to name call but in this case it's just a statement of true facts. Carol is really thick and doesn't understand how the internet version TWO is working. She gave me a look like I was the thick one, which made me regret giving her a proper paper Xmas card. I also hope she doesn't read this blog as:
a) it's insulting.
b) she'll get a SECOND Xmas card for free (see above, unless you're Carol. You've already had more cards than you deserve so STOP looking).

She does an excellent job though, so I can't complain. Although she often leaves the house as dirty as when she finds it, so on reflection a BAD job.

Not including today (as good as over), only FIVE days left to Christmas. BRILLIANT!

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