Friday, December 15, 2006

I need overtly masculine clothes

Blog-a-log-a-pog! (I don't this this is working)

I had a terrible shock this morning. Last night was Thursday so I sent Herman into town for the late night shopping to pick up some essential Christmas presents. It turns out he "had no luck on the presents" but instead spent a lot of money on new clothes for himself.

This is selfish and even though I'm writing about it in my blog, this is not tantamount to me condoning it. Do NOT quote me saying I do. (It happens all the time).

The big shock this morning was when he wore his new clothes. He came into the kitchen wearing denim jeans which, although they've got an elasticated waist, are very TIGHT in a lot of bad places (hips, thighs, cr*tch, calves and ankles). Somehow they create more for the imagination than they leave.

He was also sporting a 'shirt' which he said was the smoothest he'd ever worn. I'm 100% CONVINCED that he's actually bought a blouse which Lulu has been modelling in the excellent new M&S adverts. I told him as much too and he refuted it LOUDLY. He also added that it felt silky against his skin and he planned to wear it a lot.

MY suspicion is that he wandered into the women's clothes section of Marks and Spencers and is now wearing an entire outfit of women's clothes. This never would have happened if:
a) I'd been there.
b) Herman paid more attention to the detail of advertising and wasn't just influenced like a sheep obeying orders from a television.

Employing what I call "future-concerning" (a mind technique for worrying about things which you think may happen but haven't yet), I've now got a BIG concern that Herman will DEFINITELY wear his shirt/blouse on Christmas day when we have company (both family and people).

My only solution so far has been for me to wear overtly masculine clothes so our guests assume that it's a gender-swap theme party which they weren't told about.

I can't see any flaws in the plan yet, but DEFINITELY let me know if you spot one. Worse case scenario = Herman gets angry then sullen; I get egg on my face = Christmas ruined.

No snow yet in Dorking but fingers crossed!


Adam said...

Mrs B, you have the best blog on the internet.

Mrs Belmot said...

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry thank you!

Incidentally, I no longer need overtly masculine clothes, so don't send any more if you're one of the many people who' sent some in.

Can you imagine me wearing galoshes or even dungarees? Ha ha!


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