So far, my advice to David (or Farmer X as he might want to be known now!) is to start with a strong outdoor poster campaign (maybe in central London at first) for instant impact, roll out banner ads on hot websites and then launch interactive bluetooth bus-stop ads in the pre-Christmas rush.
If anyone else has advice on selling on small quantities of surplus maize and barley, then post a comment below! Delivery can be within a 10-mile radius of Upper Cheddon but not in a town centre or up the motorway due to restrictions on where tractors can go. (Hint: buy a car, slowcoach!)
Sadly still no sign of the photo of me in a kaftan or the camera, or any of the other stuff I would need to recreate the photo and post it here. I'm going to try and post a picture anyway because I've never done it before. Here goes!
Brilliant! This is a picture of Robbert Coltrane as Hagrid! Not, I repeat, not a picture of me in a kaftan (although his tunic is much the same colour, in case you are trying to picture the kaftan).