Thursday, June 21, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Then, in a revelation which has made me feel ill, Herman delivered the bacon with a simple campaign consisting of telling me that we needed to buy milk. Result = I bought more milk.
Anyway, taking Herman's dunce-savant baton and running with it, here's a train of thought which is STOKED with fuel and has plenty more coal left to burn:
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Ha ha! If I owned a pub it would be "inn-keeping" rather than in-line. Ha ha ha! That's a great joke! I will DEFINITELY use that a lot this week.
NEWS: I now have two Blogs!
The mountain (advertising industry) has FINALLY come to the prophet (me) and wangled an exclusive blog (still nothing else left in the analogy) out of me (the prophet). I'm now the leading columnist at Brand Republic. Scoop!
NEWS: The car spa has been VETOED
My husband has decreed that filling the footwells of our car with warm water will NEVER happen in his lifetime. I've put MONTHS into the thinking on this initiative so it's a serious knock to my confidence. You'd basically be driving a foot-spa around town.
SOME people are too short-sighted to recognise the gross benefits of this kind of forward thinking and will NOT be having lasagne followed by apple pie for dinner, despite nearly a week of unsubtle hints.
I might petition the government as I've literally got a hunch it could SLASH road-rage in half (at LEAST) due to it's calming properties.
All you need is petrol stations to have warm water pumps. You'd pay extra for 'Premium' (scented) and less for Diesel (greywater). The foot-towel industry would also feel the rewards.
Until then, it will DEFINITELY be breaded liver burgers for dinner.
NEWS: Only having ITV is as good as having NO TV
The 3 button has stuck down on the television remote control so there is literally NOTHING worth watching in our house. To combat the un-ending boredom, I've created my own Hollywood Top Trumps (or Top Janets) using paper and a biro.
NEWS: Bad loser
Herman has been in a foul mood ever since because he hasn't won a single game. He's just eating 'sour grapes' because he claimed "Angry Steven Spielberg" was NOT a valid Trump after losing "Angelina Jolie playing a Tuba".
He finds her attractive and refuses to admit it, even in his sleep. He just mumbles "Very believable performances" and turns over.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
We've had nothing but Bran Flakes for the last 20 years to "iron out" Herman's bowels. If you're interested, it hasn't worked and it's monotonous.
More importantly, I've given the logo a HOT re-design utilising the visual AND marketing regions of my brain. YOU can vote with your feet and see which is best. Mine is the bottom one.
Hot pantomime news!
At best my script for 2001: A Space Pantomime could be described as 'in production'. If I was pushed, I'd describe it as 'on the scrap heap'. The best idea I've had so far was for Aladdin to have a space suit with curly-toe slippers and that will NOT sustain a 4-hour panto on its own.
More importantly, the football season is REALLY kicking in now. Ha ha! That's APPROPRIATE use of language (AUoL). I've a hunch that a LOT of Premiership football managers read my blog so they can pay attention to this:
If you can train dogs to do things when you whistle, you can eventually train footballers to "play ball" too (AUoL). Using subliminal mind-learn techniques, such as hypno-therapy and shouting, teach them to lie down in advertising formations whenever they hear a whistle blow. Here's an example:
Argos will have to pay through the NOSE for this kind of sport stunt. I've already invoiced them for the inclusion here.
My husband says that you will DEFINITELY lose games and respect if players lie down at every whistle-blow, but his opinion isn't worth PENCE anyway. He can't stop laughing at the two players forming the G in Argos. Being able to herd football players like sheep will earn you BIG kudos and the plaudits will come in when the time is right.
I WISH he would stop laughing about the G. It's like living with Ken Dodd.