Thursday, October 26, 2006

Milork + Herman = 'The Runs'

Well the results are in! My husband, Herman, had a TERRIBLE night's sleep. In fact he spent most of it on the toilet with 'the runs'. I call that voting with your feet!

In retrospect, I would NOT have used UHT milk to make Milork as it tastes a LOT worse than any other kind of milk.

That said, Herman thoroughly enjoyed his bedtime Milork and drank another pint of it for breakfast (I made a bumper batch). He keeps smacking his lips and saying he can't stop thinking about the taste. I guess that's dinner taken care of!

In case YOU want to make Milork too, my recipe is:
1 pint of milk (don't use UHT - it tastes like someone milked a poison cow)
1 large pork chop or two sausages (or c. 200g of your preffered pig meat)

Put half of the milk in a blender and add the pig meat.
Blend until creamy.
Fold in the remaining milk.
Decant into a saucepan.
Bring to the boil, then simmer for 45mins with the lid ON to cook the pork.

Serve warm or chilled, to taste. I GUARANTEE you will be surprised by the colour.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


Hi viewers!

I've recently had a lot of queries from people all trying to find root beer in the shops but failing. I don't know WHY they think I've got some. Maybe it was all the talk of vending machines.

Anyway and MORE importantly, there's definitely a gap in the market for root beer and not just one gap. There are so many root vegetables that the range of beers on offer is potentially BIG.

I predict that carrot, parsnip and sweet-potato beers would be guaranteed best sellers.

The concept also suggests a range of herb pop, such as Tarragonade, Parsleyade and Sage-a Cola. Cumin milkshakes would NOT work. Basically a poison.

However, I think the biggest breakthrough could be in the area of potable meat drinks. For example, if you liquified a pork chop (using a Magimix) then you could DEFINITELY combine this with milk and sell the product as a 'turnkey' solution to your daily intake of protein, calcium and pork.

I'd call it Milork.

The logical extension being that you'd pour this on your cereal or heat it up and use it as gravy OR a bedtime drink. Other products could be:
Organic Milork (made from free range pigs)
Diet Milork (uses skimmed milk)
Milork MAX! (same as above but for men - use black packaging)
Milorkenade (carbonated)

My husband has said it sounds like a delicious idea so I'm going to make him some diet Milork tonight and I'll let you know the results. Fingers crossed! He says he wants it warm.

Let me know if YOU want some Milork and I'll post the recipe or even post some REAL Milork!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Paint; dog; toilet seat; apology; code; McKellern

Apparently there's a new paint advert on television now. I REALLY hope it's a Dulux one as I love that fluffy dog! My husband won't let me have one as he's worried it might outlive us or p** on the lawn. He's refused to clear p** up even though we DON'T have a dog at the moment.

On the subject of paint, has anyone else painted a room totally in gloss and regretted it later? (It makes it easier to wipe down, if you were wondering about pros and cons).

I think the woman who hoovers us has also loosened the toilet seat (unintentionally or otherwise). I KNOW she uses our facilities when I'm out of the house and now the seat has a lot more lateral give in it than ever before. It's very disconcerting. If you lean to one side (as you do!) the seat jerks under you as if it's being pulled by an unseen and cruel hand.

There is NO string or rope connected, in case you thought you had solved the mystery. The seat is loose and that's all there is to it.

I'll definitely take a photo of this and post it as soon as I can (ASAIC). I'd really like opinions on this though.

A lot of this blog seems to have been about unsanitary things, so I apologise. It 100% wasn't meant to turn out like this. The devil is in the planning, as they say!

I've also noticed another connection:
I mention a dog here AND in previous posts.
Andrex use a dog to advertise t*ilet paper.
I've also mentioned my t*ilet.
Is there a connection there? It's like the Da Belmot Code by Dan Brown! The book was ROTTEN and I haven't seen the film but can't wait!

Ian McKellern is the same in everything he does - and that "same" is watchable! Ha ha!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

The dog (not the best)

I forgot to post this earlier! Here's a picture of my dog Sheppo before he died.

It's not the best photo I've got of him by a LONG way.

Is it too much pork?

I've been absolutely snowed under with requests from people asking specifically if my future in-house vending machines will defnitely supply voting cards and fresh produce. Most people also wanted to know if anything else would be on offer like DVDs, petrol and clothing. The answer is I don't know because I haven't built any (contrary to VERY popular belief) and I won't be in charge of them when they are built.

However, you can email the Prime Minister here or, if you're banking on Prince William being in charge of this area, then you can write to him at Clarence House, London SW1A 1BA.

Apparently Starlight Express is coming back. What a waste of time! No-one buys roller skates anymore so they DEFINITELY will NOT pay to see people rollerskating in the west end. I'd have thought a musical where everyone was blogging/texting/branding would be more interesting to most people 'in the know'. As it is, it's rubbish. Don't waste your money.

That said, I LOVED the first show and saw it about five times.

I feel guilty for two reasons:
1) I said I would document everything that I was eating and I haven't.
2) Today I had sausages for breakfast; ham sandwiches for lunch and I've got a pork joint for dinner. That's TOO MUCH pig for one person in a day, I'm sure.

I'm not a dietician so DON'T take this as professional advice though - it could be advisable to eat this amount of pork (and more) in one day. I'll probably have bacon tomorrow and turn into a pig! Ha ha!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Ham against my will

My husband saw me "blogging" (is that a real word now?) and asked me to put some amateur radio ham post in his blog so his friends can see that he's on the internet.

This is rubbish and it's not even Herman's receiver! I would NOT bother looking at this. It doesn't work because it's not him either, so what a waste of time!

In answer to one of MANY questions about what I think the future of British Government will be, the answer of what I think is:
1) Tony Blair will stay as leader of the country until 2010.
With the backing of both his party AND the other parties, he'd be a fool not to. However, I think he will start charging everyone £1 (or whatever we're using in the future!) for people to vote. Maybe you could buy a voting card from a vending machine for £1? By 2010, we may well all have vending machines in our houses, which would save the need to go to the shops.

2) After 2010, Prince William (probably King by then) will assume the leadership.
This is self explanatory but I think we need to be careful. Where does he stand on local council issues (one-way systems; Christmas lights etc)? I'm also now concerned about fresh produce going rotten in my vending machine if I don't buy it for a while. Maybe it will be the new King's job to get the council to do something about this? I hope so: no-one wants a lot of rotting food in their house (or their vending machine).

I had a good think about this but, if you see any flaws in the argument, let me know YOUR comments!

DON'T mention the radio hams. I think they've had enough 'air time' already. Ha ha ha!

Fat and Back

Great news! Something I advised on a few weeks ago has come true!

Over the internet, I advised ITV (or Channel 3 as SOMEONE in our house still calls it) to bring back Cracker if they wanted to keep it's diminshing audience. Well, on Sunday, no-one was more surprised than me to see Cracker is back and just as fat as ever! He's still got it!

I didn't watch the programme as I don't much care for it but I'm glad that ITV can put their troubled past behind them now.

The weather is drizzling today and I had brown toast for breakfast and soup and roll for lunch. (This is a new feature where I chronicle the weather and my dietary intake EVERY day - let me know if you like it!)

Monday, October 02, 2006

The Future of The World (according to Janet)

A lot of people have been asking me to make predictions about what I think is going to happen, because VERY often the advice I give comes completely true.

I've been thinking HARD about this and I think the following will definitely happen (or something so similar you won't be able to tell the difference):

1) I think that something like the internet but better will happen.
If you think about it (like I have), no one had heard of the internet ten years ago but now you can buy it in Woolworths and even online. So almost definitely something better will come along (in the same way that everyone was listening to Neil Diamond until Graceland came along). Take note and buy shares now!

You'll probably be able to buy it online at first, but then you'll just be able to get it through whatever it is.

2) I think there will be a sequel to Watership Down.
The first film was excellent, as well as being sad and about rabbits and a seagull. However, the animation and voices were poor. Rubbish, really. So what we'll see is a shift towards computer made films like Toys, Cars, Ants and Finding Fish. This will almost definitely result in the film being called Rabbits and being in 3D. In fact it might be in REAL 3D coming out of the screen at you! That would be marvellous! Especially if you could touch them!

I DON'T know what the story will be about, so DON'T ask me. If I had to hazard a guess, it would involve a food shortage and maybe the warren getting dry after a hot summer. Again, DO NOT quote me on this part of the prediction.

3) If David Jason has a son (not daughter), I think he will become an actor.
Self explanatory.

4) Mobile phones will become more like printers.
People want a one-stop-shop, so their phone will be capable of handling A4 paper for DEFINITE. The big improvement will be them also getting smaller and cheaper. You will also be able to sell advertising space on your headers and footers which NO-ONE ever uses. I've already looked into this possibility but no luck yet.

I think that's about all that I can guarantee ACTUALLY happening. Food for thought indeed! If you have any queries about some of the insights, let me know YOUR comments!

David: no
Kaftan photo: no
JK Rowling: still no
D&G: hopeful